After the fantastic six-week milestone passed, it suddenly felt a bit unplanned which flies a bit unfocused. I decided to offer myself a new perspective. I know, of course, that any plan for the future is completely unfounded, because no one knows how many days or weeks I still have ahead of me. Yet there is also added value and pleasure in the anticipation of fun plans, whether they go ahead or not. I decided to symbolically choose Ascension Day (May 26th) as the new deadline. Enthusiastically, I have planned all kinds of beautiful and useful plans and appointments in my agenda until that date. If something had to be booked, this time I opted for the cancellation insurance….. It also helps me to prioritize in my fascinating work: what might I still pick up and what should I immediately leave to someone else.
But suddenly at the end of last week my plane made a dive down and started flying lower. The largest tumor manifested itself by delivering a large number of pain stings last weekend. Suddenly my hips, knees and ankles can no longer move smoothly, walking is hard, the lack of sleep is really starting to bother me and my boundless energy seems to have halved. It scared me and I tried in vain to suppress the headache with paracetamol, but when that also offered too little relief, I increased the dose of Dexamethasone again by half a pill a day. Some time later the headache was under control again, although the energy remained annoyingly low. Reason enough for me to request a consultation with my GP, because I have no idea how I can fly more stable again: should I take more Dexamethasone or not?
The three conclusions of our conversation that took place today are simple: (1) Keep dexamethasone at this new level and only increase it in case of increasing headaches, provided I cannot suppress them with paracetamol. After all, all other discomforts are the direct result of this horse remedy, not of the cancer. (2) My lifestyle and especially the pace associated with it do not do justice to the fact that my body has to fight so hard against both the effects of the Dexamethasone and the cancer. I really have to plan fewer appointments per day immediately and give my body and head a rest more often. Hmmm, okay. (3) It’s good that I don’t fall into the role of an apathetic cancer patient, but that I manage to continue to behave like the old Ingebee. Apparently I accept the cancer, maintain control and deal with cancer in my daily life.
I take the first two conclusions to heart as important new rules of life, the third I happily put in my pocket as a compliment. One of the pockets of my brand new pants to be exact, because the Dexamethasone also made me a lot thicker and therefore I treated myself to some nice and again comfortable clothing. Now I can fly again!